In sports, parents are often a problem for their children

There is a problem in the relationship between parents and children's sports that can make this activity very "penalizing" for children and young people who practice it, warns Carlos Neto, a professor at the Universidade de Lisboa(Faculdade de Motricidade Humana).

Carlos Neto is also a researcher in areas such as children's play and development, he speaks of four parents profiles. "There are the disinterested ones, they carry their children but they do not get involved. There are the moderates, with correct behaviors and adequate vision of what should be the practice of sports. There are the excited ones, who insult others and treat children badly, whom they see as a possible source of profit. And lastly, the fanatics, who look at the children as if they were high-level champions, mortgaging their own lives because of their children's activities and often come into conflict with the clubs.”

The president of the National Confederation of Parents' Associations, Jorge Ascenção, said that some parents had "completely inappropriate behavior and that they are a poor example", but he refuses that this is a generalized position. "More training is needed to emphasize that the result is not the most important thing, something that is not taught in schools," he says.

"The biggest problem are the parents who exert permanent pressure on their children, who do not realize that they need space," says Pedro Mil-Homens, also a professor at the Faculdade de Motricidade Humana and formerly responsible for the Academy of Sport. And these are numerous cases and are found in all social strata, he describes. "They are parents who, having not had a sports career, project in their children what they like to have been and have not been," he adds.

Children taken off the field

And what do these parents do? "They want to replace coaches, they shout instructions into the field. 'It kicks, it shoots, and so on ...' Which only confuses the children, 'says Rafael Martinho, coach of the schools of Benfica. They also insult coaches, referees, opposing teams and in the end "charge" their children for not having won or done what they said, says Carlos Neto.

Everyone agrees in the diagnosis that this type of conduct happens soccer more than in other sports, not only because of the social impact of this sport, but also because "many parents look at their children as potential professional players," says Pedro Mil-Homens.

They want to be close to the field, they want to be able to scream in there, and when they can not do it, they start by getting angry. That is what happened, he reports, when the Sporting Academy moved to Alcochete. "I started by saying that they could not attend the training, just as they did not attend Portuguese or Mathematics classes, but we had to reach a compromise: they watched the training, but at certain a distance."

"When it comes to a persistent attitude we have to deal with it in a drastic way," says Rafael Martinho, who has more than once removed children from the field because their parents kept shouting instructions. "It is a way of showing that they are doing badly," he says, adding that he has sometimes joined the parents of his students (currently 12 years old) to try to convince them that "the most important thing is not to win, but rather how you reach the final result, which has to do with the learning process".

"In the meetings with the parents, that we did in Sporting, they realized that there were behaviors that they should not adopt, but then when the reunion finished and there were further games, it all returned to be the same", reports Pedro Mil-Homens. "It is very important that in the clubs there is someone available to work with parents," he says.

"When we only talk about victories at home, when parents adopt a very competitive behavior, the learning process dies," warns Rafael Martinho, admitting that this is also a problem for some coaches.

Carlos Neto argues that it is necessary to "update the training of coaches" and also change the way clubs approach their youngest practitioners in order to "humanize the practice of sports" and not skip steps that can jeopardize performance and even the health of children and young people.

Articulated Teaching

"Making athletes at all costs is just nonsense," he says, adding that "there are too many children to suffer because they are forced to do sports," often in ways that are chosen by parents. And this is one reason, he adds, because there is also "large-scale abandonment of sports practice".

There is an articulation that does not exist and that, for Carlos Neto, would allow to change the scenario of sports practice in Portugal: "Encourage physical education in schools and school sports; ensure good sports training in the clubs and good conditions to have a sport of high competition, "and these are steps to be taken. "First is the generalization and then the specialization," he says, adding that the role of parents in securing this balance is fundamental.

Pedro Mil-Homens draws attention to the fact that, in general, "the child-youth competition is too much of a copy of the sporting organization of the elders." "Forming champions begins with the child playing in the street, except that they no longer have the time to do so," says Carlos Neto.

Both emphasize the need for sports practice not to overlap with school. "Unfortunately there are many high-level sportsmen who have not been successful at school and this is very worrying," he continues.

The president of Confap regrets that young people have to be harmed in school results by practicing sports, a situation that attributes to the fact that the school is turned away from the reality of young people who devote much of their time to sport. "Just as there is an articulated teaching of music [where students are exempted from attending some subjects to pursue their musical education] there should also be an articulated teaching of sport," he argues.

SOURCE:https://www.publico.pt/2017/02/19/sociedade/noticia/no-desporto-os-pais-sao-muitas-vezes-um-problema-para-os-filhos-1762453